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[casi] Eric Magolis lending the family brain cell to Saddam

Dear list members,


Eric Magolis lending the family brain cell to Saddam



            A N U
Assyrian News Watch
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Assyrian Chaldean Syriac

July 21, 2002

Saddam fights back!
How the Iraqi leader might reply to President George Bush's sabre-rattling

By ERIC MARGOLIS -- Contributing Foreign Editor

 American President George Bush has been demanding a "regime change" in
"evil" Iraq, which he plans to invade. Saddam Hussein's possible reply,
from Baghdad:

"My fellow Iraqis, it's time for a 'regime change' in the United States.
President George W. Bush must go!

"Bush is a danger to Americans, and to the whole globe. America has become
a 'rogue state' that threatens world peace and stability. Oh, my brothers,
America is the nexus of evil!

"I have just ordered our intelligence services to help Americans overthrow
Bush and his evil clique. We are giving military training and cash to the
Hells Angels, Louis Farrakhan's Nation of Islam, and the Michigan Militia.
I've ordered our fearless agents to kidnap Bush and bring him to Baghdad.
If he resists, they are authorized to shoot - in 'self-defense.'

"Defectors from America report the U.S. is the grandfather of weapons of
mass destruction: over 8,000 nuclear weapons, 31,200 tons of chemical
weapons, and enough biological warfare agents such as anthrax, botulism,
plague, Q-fever, and rap music to wipe out the globe twice. The U.S. is the
only nation to actually have used atomic weapons, killing 240,000
civilians, and it is thinking about using them again.

"Israel, which keeps threatening nuclear attacks on us and our Iranian
brothers, developed its secret nuclear and biowarfare programs with covert
American aid. So did Britain, France and India. America is a major
proliferator of nuclear technology. Back in the 1980s, when we were still
America's ally, the U.S. supplied us with the very chemical weapons and
germ warfare stocks it howls about today.

"Speaking of biowarfare, we all know how in 1991 the U.S. destroyed our
dams, reservoirs, water pumping stations, filtration plants and sewage
systems in the Mother of all Battles. After the war, the U.S. refused to
allow us to import materials to repair our destroyed sanitary systems -
even banning chlorine to purify our water. The ensuing epidemics killed a
million of our children.

"The U.S. refuses to allow inspection of its nuclear, chemical, or
biological warfare arsenals, or to destroy the nuclear warheads it now
possesses. Without inspection and destruction of America's weapons of mass
destruction, the world cannot be safe. Who knows, the U.S. might strike at
any nation that displeases it!

"Just last week, U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell warned Washington
'reserves the right' to overthrow all regimes it considers a danger. The
U.S. is developing new 'mini-nukes' called 'Arab busters' for use against
Third World nations. Who's next?

"As for terrorism, we suspect the United States had links to Osama bin
Laden and his terrorists. After all, didn't the U.S. finance most of the
militant Islamic groups? The U.S. has sponsored terrorist groups here in
Iraq and in Iran, Libya, Cuba, El Salvador, Congo, Nicaragua, Angola, Sudan
and Indonesia. The U.S. tried to assassinate Egypt's president, Gamal Abdel
Nasser, Iran's Islamic leadership, that crazy Khadafy in Libya, Gen. Adid
in Somalia and, last, but not least, my humble self. Our prisons are full
of U.S.-sponsored terrorists who sought to overthrow our glorious
revolutionary regime and murder its heroic leaders.

"Now, a crazy cabal of petro-imperialists, Israeli agents of influence,
fanatical Christian fundamentalists, Pentagon warmongers and Bush's pit
bull poodle, Tony Blair, are plotting to invade beautiful Iraq. Then they
plan to take their anti-Muslim crusade to Iran, Syria, Yemen, Libya,
Lebanon - and any other nations that refuse to kiss America's feet. Bush's
Texas imperialists are determined to turn the world into a U.S. version of
the British Empire.

"The people in the Pentagon pulling Bush's strings know our beloved Iraq
has the Mideast's second largest oil reserves after Saudi Arabia - perhaps
the biggest, only Allah knows. Oil will soon be in very short supply
worldwide. Even George Bush Jr., of Texas baseball, can understand this.
America wants our oil. Watch out, Canada - your water may be next.

"I'm also deeply concerned about the welfare of America's suffering people.
Their stock markets, accountant firms, brokerage houses and investment
banks were run by super-crooks who make Ali Baba's 40 thieves look like
simple melon merchants. Some of Bush's pals defrauded America's workers of
their life savings, stole their pensions, and may yet cause a world
financial crisis. In Iraq, such criminals would be shot and their families
billed for the bullets.

'The Mother of all Lies'

"Now, after wrecking America's economy, the war party in Washington is
whipping up hysteria by fabricating tales claiming we intend to attack
America with all sorts of nefarious weapons. This is the Mother of all
Lies. We were proctologically inspected for seven years by an army of UN
'experts,' many of whom turned out to be spies. All - well, most, anyway -
of our chemicals and germs supplied by the U.S. and Britain are either
destroyed or have become inert.

"President Bush is up to his ears in business scandals. November elections
are approaching. Remember that naughty girl, Monica Lewinsky, who fired
Bill Clinton's Scud missile? Clinton diverted attention by bombing us. The
Bush White House is trying the same old trick, but on a grand scale.

"My heroic, democratic and peace-loving Iraqi brothers - it's time for a
'regime change' in Washington!"

Eric can be reached by e-mail at
Letters to the editor should be sent to or visit his home

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